


laugh at me and i will kill you

by Writerofshit (kay_samm)



Series: heaven and hell and us [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Fake AH Crew, Fluff and Humor, M/M, terrible movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 22:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6925600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kay_samm/pseuds/Writerofshit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the crew sits around watching terrible movies. And sometimes that leads to embarrassing stories being told in order to salvage the night.<br/>Sometimes Geoff hates his crew.</p><p>Day 3/30 Day OTP Challenge</p>
            </blockquote>





	laugh at me and i will kill you

**Author's Note:**

> Listen. Listen. I live for embarrassing Geoff. It is my greatest love in life.

“You know,” Geoff says loudly, voice drowning out most of the dialogue happening “I honestly didn’t know a movie this shitty existed.” He’s leaned back deep in the couch, eyes half-glazed over. His arms are crossed, and he has one leg brought up so that his ankle is resting on his other knee. It’s a position that the entire crew is familiar with. They’ve coined it ‘Geoff’s judgement look’ due to the fact that whenever they find him like that, he has something to bitch about and to correct. Ryan has privately dubbed it ‘I don't get to have sex tonight’ because that’s almost always what it means.

“Nah,” Jack says from her place curled up on the floor between their feet.“I’ve seen porno worse than this.”

“How much are we betting that 90 percent of these people started there?” Geoff asks.

“And the other ten wound up there after making this?” Ryan jokes, crossing his legs to mirror Geoff’s. 

Movie night has become a staple in the penthouse, a revolving door of crew members draping themselves throughout the living room on a Monday or Tuesday night, They always watch some terrible movie that Geoff has managed to get his hands on. The entire crew has, at one point or another, demanded he tell them from which pit of hell he pulls this shit from, He has sworn his source to secrecy, he always claims. It only took three weeks of them fucking for Ryan to learn that using an incognito tab to browse reddit apparently counts as ’swearing to secrecy’. 

Tonight it’s only Jack Geoff and Ryan, the rest of the crew off doing whatever the fuck it is they do when they’re not home. The movie of shitty, shitty choice is  _ Slink  _ and it’s probably the worst thing Ryan has ever watched in his life. And he’s seen some shit.

“Wait, is that the son? Since when do they have a son?” Geoff is starting to emerge from his judgment look, opting instead for ‘confused but slightly outraged’. He throws his arm out in a wide gesture “What the fuck is this movie?”

“You’re the one who picked it, Geoff.” Ryan says, smiling.

“I think I regret every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Jack says. “Ok,  _ seriously,  _ how is no one getting ‘this guy is creepy and fucked up’ vibes from this dude?”

“I mean, I’ve never gone tanning so I wouldn’t know,” Geoff says with a  pointed look at Ryan.  _ Don’t share stories  _ is how it reads. “But I assume ninety-nine percent of the men who work at those places are exactly like that.”

“Yeah, and they all only have one tanning bed too.” Jack says.

“You don’t think all tanning places have secret cameras and roofies in the candy, do you?” Ryan says, voice high, “Because unless otherwise I’ve got a bone to pick with- what the fuck was that place, Geoff?”

Geoff’s eyes are wide, and he’s shaking his head. “ _ Shut up!”  _ he mouths at Ryan.

“What beef do you have with a tanning place, Ryan?” Jack asks, looking up at the two of them.

“Don’t you know, Jack? Last year Geoff-”

“Ryan Haywood you shut your goddamned mouth before I fire you.” Geoff says, attention completely torn from the shitty movie on the screen. He’s shooting Ryan death glares, and his shoulders are tense. Ryan thinks he might be seconds from attack.

“ _ Geoff what?”  _ Jack has now turned around, and is kneeling between the two of them, hands on the seat in front of her.

“I guess he thought he was looking just a little too wintery still, and-” The amount of joy Ryan is gaining from embarrassing Geoff is indescribable. Geoff’s face is turning red, and he's reaching for Ryan, just short of throwing himself across the couch

“Ryan I swear to god I will shoot you dead right now-”

“So he went to a tanning place and they basically just painted him orange.” Ryan finishes, fighting the laughter threatening to bubble up.

Jack doesn’t do the same, exclaiming “Oh my  _ god. _ ” before collapsing onto her back in fits of giggles. “ _ Geoff!”  _

“He looked terrible.” Ryan says with as much deadpan quality as he can manage before he bursts into laughter.

“I fucking hate you Ryan, you mother fucker!” and then Geoff is on him, practically climbing into Ryan’s lap in order to pull him into a headlock. “I cannot  _ believe   _ you.”

“Geoff was an oompa-loompa!” Jack cries. Literally, there are tears streaming down her cheeks at this story, at the thought of Geoff being orange.

“Geoff, please” Ryan says, trying to fend him off. He’s struggling to grab at Geoff’s wrists, but it’s a challenge. Geoff is apparently very adamant about choking him and his own laughter weakens his strength.

“We were under _ cover  _ for Chrissake, it’s not like I wanted to look like a fucking paintball victim!”

“ _ Oh my fucking god!”  _ Jack says, still on the floor “I can’t breath!”

“Tell me about it, Jack.” Ryan says, but he's grinning. Geoff isn’t serious about trying to hurt him, and at this point he’s mostly just grinding in Ryan’s lap. Which is something Ryan is certainly not going to argue with.

Finally Geoff just slumps against his chest, and Ryan wraps his arms around Geoff’s shoulders. “See if I ever suck your dick again.” he murmurs, face buried in the crook of Ryan’s neck.

“Look, does it help if I say you made a cute Home Depot bucket?” He holds Geoff tight against his chest, still chuckling over the night’s turn of events.

“I hate you.”

“It’s ok, I was lying anyway.” Ryan says. “You looked awful.”

“You still had sex with me.”

“I have low standards, clearly.”

“Oh god.” Jack says between wheezes. “Gross. Please stop.”

Geoff repositions himself in Ryan’s lap, turning now toward the television and the still-dying Jack on the floor. Ryan wraps his arms around Geoff’s torso. “Shut the fuck up Jack, you wanted all the details about my tan. So you get to hear how orange Ryan’s dick was too.”

“He has a point, Jack.” he isn't nearly as embarrassed as Geoff about the whole situation. Besides, the transfer of it washed off just fine. He wasn’t the one who sometimes still found traces of orange on white towels.

“Fuck both of you, holy shit.”

“So I get one of my more embarrassing stories told tonight and somehow  _ I’m  _ the bad guy here?” Geoff shakes his head. “This whole crew is against me, I swear.”

“Technically the whole crew doesn’t know.” Ryan says. “Only Jack.”

“Oh you can bet your ass I’m texting everybody as soon I can.” She’s still catching her breath on the floor, but she’s already reaching for her phone, just on the coffee table. Ryan gives it another three minutes before the jokes begin.

“You both suck so much.” Geoff says. He’s been reduced to pouting at this point, arms crossed and leaning back against Ryan’s chest. “What the fuck is happening in this movie again?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea.” Ryan rests his chin on Geoff’s shoulder, holding him tight. “Wait is that the aunt?”

“When did she become blonde?”

“I cannot believe you are still subjecting us to this piece of shit.” Ryan says.

“Shut up, you deserve it now.” 

The three of them lapse into silence now, just watching the movie in disbelief. The plot has made roughly zero sense up to this point, and a detour onto terrible memory lane has not helped. Evidently the aunt wasn’t real, and more people have died. It’s a staple of these movies, ridiculous deaths with awful special effects. Ryan has heard horror stories of  _ Thankskilling _ , and he’s ridiculously grateful for having missed that one.

After a few moments in which they learn absolutely nothing relevant to the story and a girl gets kind of naked, Geoff’s phone buzzes. He pulls it from his pocket distractedly, paying more attention to the television than his phone. Ryan sees the picture first, and he starts laughing immediately. It appears to be some sort of meme that he doesn’t really understand. It contains a lot of orange in the image, so he already knows what it’s about.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Geoff yells, chucking his phone at the cushion on the other side of the couch. “Ray’s not even in this fucking crew anymore!”

“Neither is Burnie but he definitely knows about it now.” Jack says, giggling.

“I fuckin hate everybody.”

**Author's Note:**

> ok but for real, do you guys see that movie?? It's the actual worst and i love all of their reactions.  
> Find me on:  
> www.writerofshit.tumblr.com  
> www.kay-samm.tumblr.com


End file.
